In marriages, things don’t always go the exact way we imagined it, and sometimes we get angry or fed up and start to just live and let live, instead of working together to make things work. Two adults living together and trying to have a wonderful family can be really tough, no doubt. The time will come when they will question their decision of getting married. The time will come when one person might feel left out or invisible. The time will also come when they will both get busy with their work and career and neglect each other’s needs. While these are reasonable excuses to why couples become roommates, they also take the aim and fun out of the marriage. Like I would always say, “Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.”
This article is basically to teach you how to get your husband back after you have gone from lovers to just roommates. I know you might start to wonder if I am about to introduce you to some hard tasks or make you do tough work, but it is far from that. These are simple ways, and they are also effective as well.
SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER
The top two things that make most couples drift apart are work and kids. Women are multitasking in nature. A woman can be feeding one kid, have her eyes on another, and still have something cooking in the kitchen. It is not easy, and I love when I see things like, “My superpower is being a woman.” It takes a superhuman to do all of those things at the same time, and still keep her sanity.
But here is the thing: Don’t get too engrossed in your duties as a mother and a career lady and start to neglect your duty as a wife. Men do not think the way women do, and because of that, their priorities differ. They always want to spend time with you, speak with you and share their thoughts with you.
Spending quality time with your husband does not necessarily translate to you sitting and watching the kids, while he is busy working.
Remember those things you used to do before you got married, or before you started having kids? The dates, the lying in bed and just focusing on each other, romantic dinners and getaways? Well, that is what quality time means. Bring that back in your marriage. You might be tired from work and having to put the kids to sleep but sparing ten minutes of your time to bring back your man sounds good. Don’t you think so? After the kids have gone to bed, you can just pour coffee into a cup, take it to your husband, sit next to him with your head against his shoulders and just enjoy each other’s company. You can ask him how his day went, and what project he is currently working on. Questions like that make him feel wanted.
HAVE IN-DEPTH CONVERSATIONS WITH SPOUSE
In-depth conversations are not conversations about how your husband’s day went; they are real conversations about family, what makes him feel loved, and what excites him. Both conversations are very important, but the latter is a sure way to get things working again. How can you get your husband back using in-depth conversations? Simple! Does your husband walk around like he holds some resentment towards you? Did you two have a fight? Then, talk about it. Talk about rent. Talk about retirement plans. Tell him about his kids and what is going on in their lives, especially if he is the type who works for many hours in the day. That would make him feel like he is actively present in their lives. Sometimes, let the conversation be about your marriage and relationship. Remind him of how things used to be when you were each other’s priority, tell him you miss those times and ask him how you two can work together to get things back to how they used to be. This works like magic because it gives the man the opportunity to express himself and throw words around freely.
STOP SPLITTING CHORES AND BILLS
Splitting bills equally has never worked for most of the couples I know. It is what roommates do, not couples who are in love with each other and would like to spend the rest of their lives together.
How can you get your man back? Stop trying to split bills and chores with him. This does not mean that the man should shoulder all the financial responsibilities, while you do all the house chores, it just means you should not, for any reason, split things half-half. Society and everything in it is changing, and women are becoming more independent, but the truth still remains that it is inherent in every man to provide for and protect his family. Women have not also stopped being caregivers because it is the twenty-first century. Splitting bills and chores equally is just going to make your husband feel like he is sharing the house with another man, not a wife or a woman.
SLEEP IN THE SAME BED
As two adults who are living together, there is always going to be times where you’d both argue or disagree over something. When such happens, sleeping in separate beds is not the solution. Instead of sleeping in the different beds or rooms, step out for a few minutes, and give him a chance to clear his thoughts, while you do the same. After that, you both sit together and talk about the problem and the way forward. Not sleeping in the same bed only gives room for more fights and problems.
Sleeping in the same bed allows for cuddling which plays a great role in intimacy. There is also the spontaneous sexual activity that can happen, leading to increased closeness and trust within the marriage. Who wouldn’t want these in a relationship? Please, sleep in the same bed with your spouse, no matter the situation.
BRING BACK THE HONEYMOON PHASE
Being together for ten years or having kids to take care of should not take the place of intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy has to do with friendship, familiarity, affection, deep understanding and exploring each other’s body. Taking intimacy out of a marriage is equivalent to reducing your home to a hostel for two students who are just trying to get by and get through that phase in life.
Bring back the passion in your marriage—the sexual encounters, laughter and butterflies in the stomach. Intimacy brings two people closer, so make time for it as much as you can.
How to get your husband back involves the simple steps listed above. Those steps are not only going to bring him back to you, but they are going to bring back the love, respect and interest you both shared before things went south. Marriage can never be a bed of roses. Even if it becomes, remember that roses also come with thorns. There are always going to be good and bad times. Do not let the bad times take away the happiness.