Many counsellors are able to offer advice, but are they able to help bring restoration to your failing marriage? Do they have the necessary tools to make your marriage work? Could a counsellor really help save your marriage? Are you able to get your husband back with a counsellor’s help?
My counsellor left my spouse and me more miserable after our sessions. We spent most of the time listening to each other pointing out the negatives; what made us disappointed, sad, unequal, unloved. How could we save our marriage when all we did was point out each other’s flaws? The sessions were just another time where we had to defend ourselves, just as we did back home. The only difference was there was a third party listening to every word. How are you suppose to get your husband back to adore you, when at these sessions all you get to do is vilify and chastise him?
I knew to save my marriage, I needed to focus on my actions and to set structure in our lives. Our first mistake was the counsellor. Having failed two marriages, how was this person able to help save my marriage, when they weren’t able to save theirs? How is this person supposed to help you get your husband back when he is mentally and emotionally gone? If a counsellor’s relationship is not one you wish to exemplify, then you definitely have no reason to be in that office taking advice.
Sadly our counsellor always believed that progress was being made, because we aired out what affected us, but failed to see that our marriage was breaking down even worse. What was simply happening was my husband and I was constantly bringing up things already discussed in our failing marriage. No progress was actually happening. And this occurs continually with couples who are trying to save their marriage.
I oftentimes felt like my marriage was done. It seemed like it was irreparable and I had truly lost my partner. But it was the method used by the counsellor which was failing us. The constant replaying of our past behaviours towards each other was causing us more pain. The counsellor placing himself in my spouse’s shoes or my shoes at times, only made it worse. It seemed like sides were been taken, causing further anger and resentment towards each other. With those feelings, I was definitely not on the route in helping to save my marriage. Nor was I going to get my husband back to be the man who fell so in love with me, with the constant hatred building up within us.
Restoring our marriage needed us to work together, but with him so far gone mentally, I had to start working alone to win my husband back. I needed to express gratitude for the simple things he did as a husband. I needed to work on a path that would help us move forward. We needed to stop the emotional roller coaster ride of bringing up past feelings which strained our relationship. It did not allow us to forgive each other, nor did it bring us any closer.
Dragging my spouse to these sessions to talk about his feelings was not helping us in any way. Instead, I started focusing on him being my imperfect lover. The one I fell in love with. I started honouring him as my man, accepting his masculinity. I kept on being positive and supportive of him as a man – my man. Encouragements and praise were out my lips instead of the usual negatives and little by little, our marriage was progressing towards success. My husband was getting emotionally stable with me. My marriage was being saved.
We gave up the counselling which saved us not just the possibility of being completely done with each other, but also loads of money. We directed our monies towards other self-help marriage programs which helped to strengthen our relationship. They prioritize on refocusing our efforts on removing the ‘toxic elements’ which would undermine our happiness. We stopped the constant replay of our marital problems and established positive habits which have brought us both joy and happiness.
If you have tried with the counsellor and your marriage is still falling apart, then maybe it is time to try a new process. You are probably scared to venture another way, but stepping out of that enclosed mindset will work wonders. Do you want to get your husband back? It is simple. Ditch the counsellor and get the true recipe for saving your marriage.