Marriage is never a bed of roses, no matter how good motivational speakers paint it. There will always be fights, lots of uncomfortable situations, tons of broodings, and constant attempts to save your marriage.
It is normal for couples to fight, but what is abnormal is letting the fight ruin the wonderful relationship you both have worked so hard to build. Marriages of five, ten, fifteen years have been destroyed because one person was not courageous enough to move on from the fight, and make things work. Recovery and reconciliation after a fight go a long way to show how mature both parties are, and what their marriage means to them.
As a wife, society looks up to you to handle your home and build it the way you want. Most people don’t even care to listen to what caused the fight. As soon as there is a fight, “Boom!” they heap the blame on the woman. Even though fights may damper things for married couples, you always have to keep working to make sure everything doesn’t fall apart when things get messy and you want to win your husband over.
Here are five crucial steps you must take to recover from a fight with your husband, protect your mental health, get your husband back from the point of no return, and keep your marriage going.
Take A Timeout
The aftermaths of a fight are not pleasant – emotions running high, hatred, and despise. Unnecessary questions will arise. How did I get here? Is it too late to find my way out? Everyone will be angry and ready to say whatever comes to their mind just to annoy the other person. In those moments, it’s fine to take a timeout and be in a saner environment. Hang out with friends, play games. If you have kids, play with them and help them with homework. Do whatever it takes to take your mind off the fight. This step also gives your husband the chance to reflect and heal.
Apologize And Own Up To Mistakes
The next step to recovery and save your marriage, is to think about what caused the fight. This should happen when the anger has died down and you can think clearly. If you realize you are wrong, then you should communicate with him. The importance of communication in any relationship can never be overemphasized. It is the key to having an amazing marriage. Sit with your husband, own up to your mistakes, and tender your apologies. Don’t point fingers or tell him how he caused you to make mistakes.
If by chance, your husband made some terrible mistakes which led to the fight, still go to him. Tell him you want peace to return in your home. Be sincere in your request and pour out your heart without apportioning blame to anyone.
If you want to get your husband back to the man you married, this step is very crucial, and skipping it is just like saying you want to do something without actually putting in any work.
Don’t Store What Was Said As Ammunition For Future
During a fight, both parties want to score some points, and they say some terrible things. And because of the funny way our brain works, those words immediately get stuck and sits in our memories. If care is not taken, they would ruin a marriage within the blink of an eye.
As adults and a wife, it is wrong to give those words a room in your mind. You need to get rid of them to be able to move on from the fight.
No matter how hurtful the words were, don’t dwell on them. Just forget and flush them out of your mind.
Reaffirm Positive Feelings Towards Each Other
Being the bigger person is hard, especially when you are truly hurt, but you have to look past all of that. After sitting with your husband and talking things through, it is necessary you reaffirm positive feelings for each other. This should be another phase where you pour out your heart and just say things the way you truly feel.
You can also decide to make this step special by preparing his favourite meal to show you’ve truly decided to forget the fights. Men are not wired like women. They are mostly moved by the things they see, not what is said. On the other hand, women are governed by what is said. This is why women have the hardest time forgetting all that was said during the fight. A meal or something special will go a long way in proving to your man that you want everything to be fine, that you do want to save your marriage.
Forgive And Move On
After saying all the nice things to each other, the next thing to do is forgive. Forgiveness is paramount. No matter how good your culinary skills are, I doubt the meal you prepared would digest properly if you don’t tell your man that you forgive him.
When you say you have forgiven your husband, it tells him that you are willing to do all that is needed to completely erase the fight from your mind, and you are never going to bring it up again. It also gives your husband the chance to also forgive himself.
After forgiveness, comes moving on. A woman who has moved on from a fight will never say anything about it, tell it to a relative or bring it up when things get heated up again.
In conclusion, recovery from a fight might be a little hard and might take more time than anticipated to forgive and move on. But if you are trying to save your marriage, and to get your husband back to the point where you both were before the fight happened, you can. With the right mindset, communication, and determination, any woman can recover and take her home to an enviable point. As a wife, you hold the key to having the home of your dreams, and you should learn to use the key well.
If you want to learn of even more ways of making up with your husband, try the principles found here.